My long standing policy regarding cheating has been that one should be upset with whomever made the promise to them. It seemed very irrational to me when I would observe a girl getting more mad at the girl her boyfriend messed around with than at the boyfriend himself.

While I still do find this a pretty good principle, I no longer see these issues so black and white.

Since we do have an open relationship and are open with each other, I've learned a lot about Patri's perspective on sex, which is much different than my own, and probably much more similar to that of many other guys (and perhaps some girls) than my own ;)

Basically, I tend to view mostly from a relationship perspective, constantly evaluating many different aspects, whereas Patri is mostly thinking about sex with new prospects and it doesn't even cross his mind to think further until the relationship has already started ;) He also has a very strong urge to have sex with any woman who is cute and seems interested, whereas I can easily look past good looks.

There have been a few women recently who seem to be showing some interest. I have mixed feelings about it. I doubt I'll ever be thrilled about the notion of his sleeping with someone else, but I know its something that's important to him and I've accepted that it will happen and have even made some efforts toward helping him out.

The idea of his sleeping with someone else doesn't really bother me in and of itself. The main thing that does concern me is his relationship with another woman interferring with his relationship with me.

This could take a few different forms. The two big ones as I see it currently are:

1) Time. He's already pretty busy as is, so I worry that he will not spend as much time with me as I like if he gets involved with someone else as well.

2) Babies. My biggest concern with another woman would be if she were to get pregnant with his baby and decide to keep it. Even if she did not try to make him responsible for it, things can go wrong at any time even with the best of plans, and regardless of his not wanting it, he would have feelings for any child of his, and that sort of situation would most likely cause a lot of stress for Patri, myself, our kids, our relationship, her kid, and her.

I also see many upsides to Patri having a relationship with another woman who is okay with what Patri and I want.

One that has come up recently, is giving him more willpower for turning down other women who might be after him and would like to break up our relationship.

I was talking to a friend the other day who noted that she was not so interested in sex upon getting pregnant, as with her husband.

Now, who knows what the case will be for myself and Patri, but if there's a girl that he comes into contact with regularly who is consistently flirty with him and I'm not so interested, that could make for a pretty frustrated guy!

So even though he may do a very good job at resisting, given that is drive is for sex rather than relationships, if sex is constantly being flaunted at him and he's not satisfied with what he's getting, he'll probably have a hard time resisting.

Hence, in that case I would be much angrier with the woman trying to break up our relationship in order to have him for herself than I would be with him for having a weak moment after being pursued with something he wants for an extended period of time.

It puts quite a different spin on cheating in such scenarios as well. If a relationship is not open or at least not communicative about such regards, especially if the couple get out of sync in regard to sexual desire, it probably gets more and more difficult to turn down another interested party, especially over a long period of time.

I can easily envision a scenario where the guy (or girl) loses his willpower and gives in to seduction, feels too guilty to tell his wife, he becomes close with his new mistress because she's the only one he can confide to, and eventually leaves the wife for her.

Although Patri has not had any such loss of willpower and also wishes very much to avoid getting involved with such women, I told him that should it ever be the case that he loses it, I want him to tell me about it, and that while I wouldn't be happy, I understand that he's only human. I want his secrets to be with me, not with some woman who traps him with guilt. Sex is just sex.

There are of course other reasons I think it would be good for Patri to have a relationship with another woman whom was respectful of our relationship and happy with the limited amount of time he'd have to give her.

The most obvious one is that he would like it. He enjoys the chase, variety, and is an extrovert who likes to spend time with many people.

What I want from marriage is a partnership. Someone who cares deeply for me as I am and vice-versa. Since Patri and I are rather unusual people in many aspects, we can't just go with the contemporary molds. A big part of who he is is not wanting to feel restrained. However, he's also an efficiency monger, and will restrain himself when he feels that it is worthwhile. He's also a hedonist, so the fact that something might be dangerous does not rule it out. Pleasure must be addressed and balanced as well as pain.

So, with the big tricky issues like polyamoury, we spend a lot of time considering various angles. Especially me ;) I often wish for a mold that I could follow, something easy, but to be bitter about the lack of its existance would be equivalent to being bitter about the lack of magical unicorns in the world ;)

And the freedom I get isn't so bad either ;) I'll probably want extramarital affairs myself eventually as well, although not for a very long time given my current baby focus.

Also, if I am pregant it would probably be good for Patri to have someone to go to for reassurance once in a while who is not insane from crazy hormones ;) Although these last few weeks have been crazy busy for both Patri and I, so I'm hoping that he doesn't hook up with anyone else until our lives become a little less hectic ;)